Monday, September 2, 2013

Sometimes..

From April 2012 but still relevant...

Sometimes I miss you, ED.
Sometimes I miss the cold of the floor.
Sometimes I miss the pain of restriction.
Sometimes I miss the bones and the skin.
Sometimes I miss the satisfactory tears.
Sometimes I miss the suffering.
Sometimes I miss the fatigue.
Sometimes I miss not being able to walk.
Sometimes I miss seeing how obsessive I’d become.
Sometimes I miss writing so little and seeing so much less.
Sometimes I miss that number on the scale.
Sometimes I miss striving for perfection.
Sometimes I miss you, ED.
Sometimes I feel like you abandoned me which only makes me suffer more.
Sometimes I feel like I need you but I call out to you and you’re not there.
Sometimes I feel like you've been replaced with gluttony as punishment for trying to get over you.
Sometimes I want to scream at you.
Sometimes I want to call out to you in the night. Come back.
Sometimes I think I can’t live without you.
Sometimes I think I can’t live at all.

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